Cocaine Bear

By: Hannah Feldman

No, it’s not the latest Marvel entry or a $100-million budgeted Tom Cruise flick. It’s called “Cocaine Bear.”

Against all odds, this mid-budget horror-comedy, which exists purely to show, in gory detail, what would happen if a cocaine-addicted bear went on a murderous rampage. There’s not all that much to “Cocaine Bear.” An insane drug dealer throws duffel bags of cocaine out of an airplane above Georgia, and a bear finds the bags before authorities or the smuggler’s associates can.

Murder ensues when a Swedish couple, two little kids playing hooky from school, three teenage hooligans,  a drug dealer and his reformed partner, a park ranger and her lover, a mother, two ambulance drivers, and a southern detective converge on the park for various reasons.

Surprisingly, “Cocaine Bear” even manages to squeeze out a central theme amidst the carnage in the importance of parenthood. One father in the story forces his son into the drug dealing business, and the primary plot beyond “A bear does cocaine” is a mother trying to save her daughter in the woods. Even Cokey the Bear is just looking out for her kids, two little cubs also addicted to cocaine, as you find out towards the end of the film.

The movie isn’t flawless (though it is close). It peaks with the ambulance scene teased in the trailer, which occurs about halfway through the film. While the rest of the movie is still fun, it starts to drag a bit. It also lacks much rewatch value. If we hadn’t seen it in a packed theater where the audience clapped every time the bear killed someone, it may not have been nearly as enjoyable the first time. 

But the gore. That’s what makes the movie itself. 

If you’re not prepared for gore, you should not watch this movie. Blood and limbs everywhere, at all times. If that’s your thing, though, the violence in “Cocaine Bear” is funny and unique. There are also countless little comedic details throughout the movie. The detective is clearly lonely, and he tries to get a dog to help but ends up with a shih-tzu instead of a labrador. He then spends the rest of the movie both upset that he didn’t get a fun dog and sad that he has to leave her behind to go look for cocaine in the woods. And don’t even get me started on the traitor character in this film. That person might have ruined this otherwise nearly-perfect movie for me. At one point, the detective shoots off two of the drug dealer’s fingers: his pinky and his middle finger. How did the bullet miss his ring finger?

Overall, despite the shocking amount of gore and drugs, the movie was aight.

Rating: 7/10

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